The Secret Flight Attendant Answers Readers' Questions: "Passengers attempting to join the Mile High Club is more common than you think"

Whenever I tell someone I work as cabin crew, I’m instantly bombarded by questions

• “Oh, have you met any famous people?”

• “Is there a secret flight attendant code?”

• (And unfortunately, often on dates) “Has someone ever tried to join the Mile High Club while you’ve been working?”

There is something about the job that seems to be unusually fascinating to people, and USTN readers are clearly no exception. They submitted scores of questions, which I will attempt to answer and, if possible, give some behind-the-curtain insight into the lives of flight attendants.

In light of the insatiable curiosity around my job, I will be making this Q&A part of a weekly column so please submit any questions you have to info@USTN.com. All questions flight attendant-related are welcome and identities will be kept anonymous.

1. Have you ever seen a passenger attempt to join the Mile High Club?

Starting with a classic. It’s actually a much more common occurrence than people would think, and in my relatively short career as a flight attendant, I have witnessed more than my fair share of not-so-subtle couples scurrying to the restroom. 

Although a fantasy for many, I promise the reality is far less glamorous. For starters, it's a really embarrassing situation to be in. Cabin crew are trained to be aware of the movements of the passengers in their care and will notice and ask you to stop.

If people stop when asked, there’s often a slightly embarrassing walk back to their seats or perhaps a sarcastic round of applause from other passengers who have noticed. When people refuse to stop, I have to escalate it to the captain, and the couple will be met by security when they land for a frank discussion about their behavior onboard, and perhaps worse.

2. What is the best thing to give a flight attendant? 

Obviously, there is no expectation at all for anyone to bring a gift for the cabin crew. But, if you want to go above and beyond and get on the right side of the crew early doors, a small token of appreciation will go very far. 

If you can get over the fact that it is a little bit cringe-worthy, I promise it will be worth it, whether it's an extra glass of bubbles, some free drinks or snacks, or even a last-minute upgrade. 

There are some do’s and don’ts when it comes to delivering your gift. Lindt balls or other separately wrapped chocolates are always a winner (we like to share amongst the crew), and feel free to write your seat number on the box and say a simple thank you as you board. Please do not gift anything that is already open, don’t block the way and delay boarding, and don’t say anything creepy while handing over the gift. This will result in the opposite of special treatment. 

3. There is a lot of debate about whether the person in the middle seat gets both armrests. What are your thoughts on this? Is there such a thing as middle-seat etiquette? 

I wasn’t aware of this controversy until recently when a colleague told me she had to intervene when two passengers were passionately arguing over their share of the armrests on a short-haul flight! 

To be honest, I’ve always found grown adults arguing over a few inches of space on a plane a little frustrating but seat reclining is probably the biggest cause of fights on planes.

I think it makes sense that if you are sitting in the middle and you don’t have the ability to lean into the window or the extra room of being on the aisle, you should get both middle armrests. 

In truth, it probably depends on who gets there first, but with all things in the air, the key is to be mindful and respectful. If you're sitting next to a taller person who’s having a hard time getting comfortable without using a bit of that armrest, then there's no harm in sharing. And if you’re in the window or the aisle, give the right of way to the middle passenger, but make sure you’re comfy, too. 

4. Do you have to wear high heels on the plane? 

Different airlines have different rules. At my airline, heels are part of our uniform; we wear heels at the airport, during boarding, and while welcoming passengers onto the plane. As soon as the plane takes off, though, we switch to flats or a flatter heel. 

I know that some airlines have dropped their gendered uniform policy, but I don’t mind the heels. I like looking as professional as possible during boarding and walking to the gate, but it would be dangerous to wear them for the duration of the flight. 

5. Do you keep a passenger in their seat if they die?

Fortunately, I have never been in this situation, and I hope I never will. Touch wood.

I do know that technically because only a medical doctor can legally pronounce someone as dead, it's very rare that someone will ‘die’ on a flight. When somebody is very ill, we have a connection to a medical company and a doctor who talks us through what to do with the patient. They’ll ask questions, and we’ll do our best to answer them. We have an automated external defibrillator that checks heart rate and other things like that, and we can convey this information to a doctor on the ground. The doctor makes the decision whether to divert the plane or to continue.

If somebody had clearly passed away, the plane would divert to the nearest airport, and I would try to give both the deceased and their travel companions as much privacy and dignity as possible in such a small space. There isn’t anywhere else on the plane that we could feasibly and safely put the body, so I think in this situation, the deceased would remain in their seat until the plane landed.

6. Do you get to fly for free?

At my airline, discounted and sometimes free travel is one of the perks. Lots of airlines offer 'staff travel’ benefits, which allow crew members and their families to fly at reduced rates. However, these tickets are often on standby, meaning we don’t get a seat if the flight’s oversold or full. So they’re never really definite, which makes it hard to plan around if you’re going on holiday. My boyfriend and I also hate waiting around, so we probably don’t use the benefit flights as much as we should. 

When I tell people this, they tend to act like I’m not being treated fairly, but overall, I’m pretty happy with the perks of my job. There aren’t many jobs where people would expect their company’s service for free, so I think I’m lucky. 

7. Do you always have a suitcase packed? 

I’m not always fully packed, although I know that some of my more organized colleagues definitely are. 

We’re often working on reserve, which essentially means that we’re on call every day. I’d only find out about my next trip the night before the flight. Sometimes, I'd even get the call a few hours before the trip. 

It makes sense to have some stuff ready to be packed quickly and always to have a fresh uniform, but I don’t always know where I’m going or how long the layover will be, so I like to pack fully when I know all the information. 

I have also become an expert at packing quickly and, as one of life’s overpackers, folding clothes very efficiently.

8. Do you drink coffee in the air? I’ve heard bad things… 

I’m not a big coffee drinker! But I think I know what this question is getting at, and it is complete nonsense. We have different tanks for the toilet and the galley. 

In some cases, passengers pay a great deal to fly with us, and there is no chance we would serve them anything unhygienic. 

Some passengers are sometimes concerned about the quality of the water because they don't know how often the water tanks are cleaned, but how often do your water tanks and pipes get cleaned at home?

9. Are you sometimes so tired from flying that you don’t get to enjoy your layover? 

I’m usually fairly perky on the actual layover. I think partly it's still exciting to be in a new place, but we’re also not working flat out on long-haul flights. 

On a 14-hour flight, we’ll probably have a four-hour break. After we do beverage service, meal service, pick-up, and dessert service, we’ll start taking breaks in shifts. 

Half of the crew will head up to the crew rest bunks for the first four hours while the other half stay up. The bunks aren’t too comfy; they’re hidden away up a very small spiral staircase in the plane's tail. They’re pretty small, which is okay with me! But I can imagine some of my colleagues struggling to get a quality nap there.

When we land, we could have anything from 24 to 52 hours of layover, so I can go shopping, relax at the hotel (which is usually really nice) or grab drinks with the team. It's not too taxing.

Coming home is a different story for some reason. I’m always completely wiped and end up canceling plans I stupidly made when I was feeling energetic and sociable on my layover. 

10. Do you get tempted by duty free at airports, or does that wear off when you are constantly there? 

I think duty-free can sometimes be more trouble than it's worth for us. Every airline and country seems to have their own rules and regulations about how much we can purchase, and often, I find the price difference isn’t worth the confusion. 

Maybe if I’m visiting family and I have a specific gift in mind, or at Christmas when my boyfriend likes a bottle of whiskey, I’ll wait until I’m at duty-free. 

Generally, though, I’m not very tempted. I spend a lot of my time in airports, so I try not to spend any extra time in them.

Please submit your questions to info@USTN.com as I will be answering the most popular ones about being a flight attendant next week! Also, if any US flight attendants out there agree or disagree with my answers, please get in touch as I would love to hear from you. Identities will be kept anonymous.